Perhaps, Always Becoming.

There are many quiet moments in the beginning of things that make me happy. The first page read from a book I have yet to read, the idea that maybe I don't yet know all of it, a question that keeps me awake for slightly more than I should be. My love and oldest companion has been, curiosity. Never says to me, “that's it, I don't need you anymore.” Just keep asking me to go on.

Computer Science could find a home for that curiosity. Each idea tells back to the next three, and behind every each, there's something else to be grasped. I've followed that pull in writing software, assessing AI models, and teaching Python for some of the first timers learning to code. The most rewarding thing I have learned is helping someone else get on their feet, whether I learn it from the lessons or they learn from me.

And then there is the Sky. Ever since childhood I gaze at night and there's a tug in my heart that never lets me go. I have carried astronomy and cosmology with me all my life, it is a quiet wonder that follows me, a quiet wonder, it never goes away. And somewhere deep inside, I still hold onto a wish that was in my child heart, to come one day from the ground, and see all this dark night-white world, glowing softly against all that endless night, a glowing little blue world.

When the screen goes dark, I turn to the things that keep me honest with myself. I sketch and in my sketches I tend to make it more of the heavy moments. Things are easier to draw than they are to talk about and once they get on paper, I get a good sense of them.

I love playing the guitar because it helps me to be somewhat at peace. So when the world is too loud, a few quiet chords will at least bring me back to myself. I play chess and I solve Rubik's Cubes, little worlds that remind me to think ahead two or three moves, to have some faith in order within chaos.

And every so often, when the thoughts grow too many to keep inside, I let them out in words on Medium.

Maybe it's what I wanted from the beginning, a reason to continue to ask. I have more books that I have yet to read, stars that I have yet to see, and versions of myself to meet. For now, it is enough to remain curious.

If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that I'll never be done learning, and I wouldn't want to be.